3rd 100 Hey Harper! Twitter-Ready Rants

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Try a Hey Harper! rant fresh off the ‘grill’

They are so-o-o satisfying!

There’s a rant for everyone: kids, scientists, religious folk, nature lovers and activists everywhere.

These rants were made to accommodate Twitter at 140 characters or less, so you can add your own hashtags to many. My favourite are: #cdnpoli #bcpoli #notankers & I change Harper! to #Harper when I tweet. It’s that easy!
  1. Hey Harper! By the time you stop screwing the mongrels Enbridge and Suncor our purebreds will have won the race.
  2. Hey Harper! Many white-collar crimes perpetuate violence more than minor drug infractions, but they’re not enforced?
  3. Hey Harper! We’re not over-confident now we’ve won a few battles with you, just confident enough you’ll start more.
  4. Hey Harper! The rest of us are celebrating Canada Day, so you can take your Harperland flag down any time now.
  5. Hey Harper! Many of us are going to honk if we love Canada on Canada Day, but I hear your horn is broken.
  6. Hey Harper! I hear misery loves company, so at least you have ONE friend.
  7. Hey Harper! I’m deciding which sign to wear on Canada Day: I love no Harper in Canada or Canada shouts no means NO!
  8. Hey Harper! This Canada Day maybe you should stay indoors…just a suggestion. Seriously, we don’t want to see you.
  9. Hey Harper! I had a glorious Canada Day. No internet, no TV, no radio, and best yet, no YOU. I love my country!
  10. Hey Harper! Now that I’ve torn a few strips off you I can get down the business of fixing everything you broke.
  11. Hey Harper! I bet you blame the unusual flooding in Manitoba on everything else but climate change from tar sands.
  12. Hey Harper! When you told Lac-Megantic the government will stand by them, they’ve seen how you stood by Canadians.
  13. Hey Harper! More useless legislation in your new anti-spam law considering most spam comes from outside Canada.
  14. Hey Harper! We know you’d rather turn your back on the truth, but you need to watch Zeitgeist, because we won’t.
  15. Hey Harper! It’s not like you to visit a flood zone in Manitoba. You must be worried about your other pipe dream.
  16. Hey Harper! You probably think the extreme flooding around the world is an ‘Act of God’. That is so 5th century!
  17. Hey Harper! Relax as I count down from 10. You are getting very sleepy. Listen to my voice: You hate oil…oil bad.
  18. Hey Harper! Rick Mercer may rant, but I slam. The only thing missing here is the cuss words that I skip when I type.
  19. Hey Harper! You put 100% resources into a dying 2% GDP oil industry and say it’s good for Canada’s economy? GRRR!
  20. Hey Harper! I remember when ‘Made in Canada’ was a proud label that created lots of jobs – before you came along.
  21. Hey Harper! I now see you in a new light and must concede you’re the best at one thing: the best at being the worst.
  22. Hey Harper! Big oil is best at greenwashing: an insincere display of concern for the environment by organizations.
  23. Hey Harper! You waste so much energy on an impossible to get pipeline – like a hound from hell chasing its tail.
  24. Hey Harper! It appears as if you and big oil have waged some kind of war against the rest of Canada. The Tar War.
  25. Hey Harper! The tars sands are bad, people are sick & dying, water supply is limited and you want to make it worse.
  26. Hey Harper! It’s insulting that you fight our legal cases against you with our own tax dollars. Time to change that.
  27. Hey Harper! Any decisions that prompt federal legal cases should be fought with your party’s funds. That’ll fix you.
  28. Hey Harper! Issues on health care, sustainable energy, etc. isn’t hard – other countries already have proven models.
  29. Hey Harper! I’m smart enough to know entrepreneurs will carry the economy; not government or corporations.
  30. Hey Harper! So far I’ve lost 5 lbs on The Harper Diet. When I lose 20 lbs I can take your photos down and celebrate.
  31. Hey Harper! Obama calling you a large lump may have been a hoax, but I reveled in the news…I wanted to believe it.
  32. Hey Harper! They say you have poor judgment in choosing senate members. I say you’ve set them all up to take a fall.
  33. Hey Harper! I see your future of the planet enough in sci-fi apocalypse movies…I don’t want to see it in real life.
  34. Hey Harper! Most countries use intermittent bombs for war, but your tar sands are perpetual bombs for no reason.
  35. Hey Harper! When you see Putin lie and deny his part in atrocities it must be just like looking in the mirror.
  36. Hey Harper! Clark isn’t so loyal to you after all. She’s looking to LNG for better treats – for herself, not for us.
  37. Hey Harper! We highly regard you and Clark as that tyrant in Ottawa and that bitch in Victoria – honestly.
  38. Hey Harper! You and Clark think religion protects you from insults when really it’s plain old-fashioned narcissism.
  39. Hey Harper! Both you and Clark are morons, have zero integrity and are a disgrace to your office – are you related?
  40. Hey Harper! If churches are going to keep producing the likes of you and Clark, I say we shut them all down – fast.
  41. Hey Harper! I was not put on this Earth to suffer under the shameless ineptitude of others – your kind has to go.
  42. Hey Harper! You didn’t notice Duffy is too big to throw under a bus in more ways than one? Not very bright are you!
  43. Hey Harper! Clark pays her lackey bonuses rather than protect BC’s forests from wild fires. Hmm, sounds familiar.
  44. Hey Harper! You may think you’re a big fish, but you’re really a sucker fish. You suck the life out of everything.
  45. Hey Harper! You may let big oil easily lead you by the snout to the knackery, but you don’t see a ring in my nose.
  46. Hey Harper! Many are embarrassed to be Canadian because of you. Not me…I’m embarrassed we can’t get rid of you.
  47. Hey Harper! David Suzuki is going on tour to raise awareness for our rights to a healthy environment. Muzzle that!
  48. Hey Harper! When corporations exploit loopholes it’s inversion, but when you exploit them it’s more like perversion.
  49. Hey Harper! You think non-environmentalists don’t care what fuel they use, but their wallets want clean energy, too.
  50. Hey Harper! The days are upon you where we are demanding that technology rule, so you better get over yourself.
  51. Hey Harper! I hear we have some dirty-dealing back-stabbing shysters in town. It seems they’re following your lead.
  52. Hey Harper! Want a good laugh? The definition of catholic: all-inclusive, broad-minded, unbigoted, tolerant. LOL
  53. Hey Harper! I think our vets would rather go back to war than listen to you lie on TV about how you care for them.
  54. Hey Harper! When you and big oil are not in the spotlight we know you’re regrouping for another attack on Canadians.
  55. Hey Harper! Here I thought you sold your soul to the devil, but it was China. Now I see who owns you: the Chi Devil.
  56. Hey Harper! You and Clark commit crimes against people you’re supposed to protect. That’s called ‘Citizen Abuse’.
  57. Hey Harper! You and Clark prostitute yourselves and call it being a leader, but a whore is still a whore.
  58. Hey Harper! Perhaps we need to paint a picture since you’re not listening to us. Picture this: you, balls, string.
  59. Hey Harper! My other great fundraising idea: People would line up to pay hundreds to slap that smirk off your face.
  60. Hey Harper! I need more head shots of you. They get torn up fast when I send them out to pubs for their dartboards.
  61. Hey Harper! How to legalize prostitution: Since their ideology is tantamount to yours, just call them politicians.
  62. Hey Harper! I don’t fear much, but I now dread what asinine things you and Clark will do to cause us more ruination.
  63. Hey Harper! My formula for the unemployment problem: less management + more staff = higher productivity & profit.
  64. Hey Harper! You affect me personally and I’m tired of you trying to force me down so you can have your way with me.
  65. Hey Harper! You’re too quiet. Where are you? Not that I care, but I feel one of your back-stabbings coming on.
  66. Hey Harper! Marc Emery’s back in Canada and he’s after you for revenge. Hmm! Sounds like a true Canadian, eh?
  67. Hey Harper! You say those convicted of serious crimes should face the full force of the law. I say orange suits you.
  68. Hey Harper! When you climb back into that hole you crawled out of don’t look back – we’ll be long gone.
  69. Hey Harper! I’m trying to play evil in a video game and I have to work at it. Why is it so effortless for you?
  70. Hey Harper! The trick to playing evil isn’t hard – dismiss everyone else but yourself. It just doesn’t feel right to me.
  71. Hey Harper! I found a way to neutralize the negativity each time I see, hear or criticize you: I compliment myself.
  72. Hey Harper! Hate is a strong word, so I’ll water it down. We abhor, despise, detest, loath, scorn, shun you. Better?
  73. Hey Harper! Who exactly coaches your decisions? I know you’re not smart enough to think these moves up yourself.
  74. Hey Harper! I know where the Conservatives are looking for your replacement: the Enbridge management wannabe pool.
  75. Hey Harper! You’re time’s up for ruining the country, so go and take your wrecking ball to the oil companies.
  76. Hey Harper! You waste money investigating disasters for breaches in information. Isn’t the answer in the disaster?.
  77. Hey Harper! Every BCer knows the fight ends here. We are the wild west and the final front – we HAVE to be strong.
  78. Hey Harper! Lack of concern is normal for you, but with the missing aboriginal women you could have faked SOMETHING.
  79. Hey Harper! Here’s one thing you will never have to worry about: Being nominated for a humanitarian award.
  80. Hey Harper! Your party forced men into work camps in the 30s and now you want to send them to work in the tar sands.
  81. Hey Harper! Thanks to you asses, it appears there is no government in Canada any more; there are only corporations.
  82. Hey Harper! Someone is going to turn this economy around for the people and I bet I will do a better job than you.
  83. Hey Harper! We know you really looking for oil and not historic treasure in the northern waters. Stop lying to us!
  84. Hey Harper! What does an ex-con prime minister do? I’m sure you’ll be able to answer that in about twenty years.
  85. Hey Harper! You know those perks you get for selling off our country? We’ll make sure you never get to enjoy them.
  86. Hey Harper! Expect Harper Hounds to be biting at your heels all the way back to the gates of hell. Ahem, tar sands.
  87. Hey Harper! I’m getting that sweet smell of victory in the air and it can only mean one thing: you wreak of defeat.
  88. Hey Harper! If you need help writing your concession speech, I’m a writer. I can easily put your losing into words.
  89. Hey Harper! Everyone knows better universal health care keeps health care costs down, except you for some reason.
  90. Hey Harper! You may be the bad apple in our barrel, but you won’t be around long enough to spoil the rest of us.
  91. Hey Harper! Someone suggested the ice-bucket challenge might warm you up, but I agreed to disagree – nothing will.
  92. Hey Harper! Why are you worried about Putin at our back door when you left the front door wide open to thugs?
  93. Hey Harper! I’m running against you as an Independent – along with everyone else. Even if only in spirit I’ll win.
  94. Hey Harper! I’m learning how to bend time. You should disappear any minute now.
  95. Hey Harper! You and I view leadership differently: people follow me because they want to, whereas you force them.
  96. Hey Harper! It seems humanitarianism leads people to do the right thing. Oh well. You can still lead blind fools.
  97. Hey Harper! We’re investigating into the missing aboriginal women ourselves and charging it against your taxes.
  98. Hey Harper! Don’t bother campaigning here. We’ve loaded all our Super Soakers and we’re not afraid to use them.
  99. Hey Harper! Next time you’re at the ocean there’s a big white fish that likes to be petted just behind the dorsal.
  100. Hey Harper! I’m done ranting. Now I’m stoked for some real action in liberating this country from you. Bye Harper!

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