2nd 100 Twitter-Ready ‘Hey Harper!’ Rants

hey harper rant logoTry a Hey Harper! Rant

They reflect the sentiments of so-o-o many Canadians and they are so-o-o satisfying!

There’s a rant for everyone: kids, scientists, religious folk, nature lovers and activists everywhere.

These rants were made to accommodate Twitter at 140 characters or less, so you can add your own hashtags to many. My favourites are: #cdnpoli #bcpoli #notankers #notarsands & I change Harper! to #Harper when I tweet. It’s that easy!

  1. Hey Harper! You seem to be having some problems, so let me help you with that. NO TAR SANDS…NO PROBLEMS!
  2. Hey Harper! When you face the UN charges, will you opt for disclosure or punishment? How about letting me pick?
  3. Hey Harper! You realize there is no self-amnesty right? And there are no loopholes under Human Rights Laws.
  4. Hey Harper! Your buddy China bashed the US because they condemned them on human rights violations. YOUR friends!
  5. Hey Harper! Your politics is just a pissing contest in which you have a big bladder. You also make the most stench!
  6. Hey Harper! For dinner I suggest a lovely sushi of toxic farmed salmon. Just ignore the pussy lesions like I do you.
  7. Hey Harper! You’re bound by ‘duty’ to protect Canadians from abuse from Transnational Corporations. Not ‘doodie’.
  8. Hey Harper! I see you bully yourself right into other peoples’ photo ops. Worried we’ll forget you, eh! Stephen who?
  9. Hey Harper! You may think you’re a leader, but you’re not. You’re just another follower…a mindless greed zombie.
  10. Hey Harper! You don’t have to worry about campaigning for the next federal election, because you won’t be here.
  11. Hey Harper! The UN states you and your party are motivated by ideology rather than justice and international law.
  12. Hey Harper! You don’t care your ideology betrays core Canadian principles and values, so we’ll just show you WE do.
  13. Hey Harper! The UN says you undermine the rule of law, which should alarm the collective conscience of Canadians.
  14. Hey Harper! In 2010 your attitude cost us a long-standing seat on the UN Security Council and you blamed everyone else.
  15. Hey Harper! Canadians should be alarmed you now boycott the UN since you lost our seat on the Security Council.
  16. Hey Harper! I want a new change to elections act: politicians MUST be actively involved with the United Nations.
  17. Hey Harper! The dumbfounded looks your guy Wallace gave 60 Minutes in response to questions says more than you know.
  18. Hey Harper! We’re going to have an omnibus bill of our own. The Harper Dump – all or your passed bills repealed.
  19. Hey Harper! You blame everyone and everything else for our problems. Yours is a sick philosophy: Deny, deny, deny.
  20. Hey Harper! The more you open your mouth the more repulsive you get and the more nauseated we get.
  21. Hey Harper! I met Tom Mulcair and when he talks I feel really good. Why do I feel really bad when you talk?
  22. Hey Harper! Mulcair got a standing ovation when he came to town. Stop by…we have something for you, too. Tee hee.
  23. Hey Harper! Mulcair listens to the people. You listen to big oil. We know what’s best for us…not you!
  24. Hey Harper! Mulcair is personable, you are plastic. He speaks for Canada, you speak for big oil. No contest!
  25. Hey Harper! Your tar sands tunnel vision is the black hole and the people are the light. Go towards the light.
  26. Hey Harper! Mulcair is warm, you are clammy. He has a genuine smile, you grit your teeth when you smile. No contest!
  27. Hey Harper! Mulcair’s wife, Catherine cares most about people, your wife, Laureen cares most about cats. No contest!
  28. Hey Harper! When the Conservatives dump you for being unpopular, they’ll find someone else. We’re ready…are you?
  29. Hey Harper! You think Cowheart Clark is off the hook? We got rid of Campbell and we’ll get rid of her, too.
  30. Hey Harper! When the Conservatives throw you under the bus, don’t expect the oil companies to clean up the mess.
  31. Hey Harper! You stole millions of tax dollars from the veterans to squander on your useless propaganda. PUT IT BACK!
  32. Hey Harper! Do you kiss with that viperous mouth of yours? I bet not! It would be like kissing an asp.
  33. Hey Harper! When we talk about ‘kissing our ass good-bye’, it’s a good thing…it means you’re leaving.
  34. Hey Harper! It seems you will have to apply for alien status in Canada…we see you’re not from this planet.
  35. Hey Harper! You think propaganda somehow benefits veterans! It’s like giving mirrors to the poor. YOU INSANE CRETIN!
  36. Hey Harper! My son knows I’m giving my all to make a strong future for him…you are stealing the future from yours.
  37. Hey Harper! It’s deplorable how you and your thugs would gang- rape BC in every orifice while Christy Clark holds it down.
  38. Hey Harper! You sicken us to know that you approved the NG pipeline, but we’ll feel better once we vomit.
  39. Hey Harper! Your approval of the NG pipeline will hasten the collapse of Enbridge. Didn’t see that coming, did you?
  40. Hey Harper! All you do it rape and pillage our land. You Conservatives are just another breed of low-life radicals.
  41. Hey Harper! Like you Christy Clark prostitutes herself and like you, she doesn’t represent the people either.
  42. Hey Harper! The group at the maternal health summit may not know YOU caused their funding problem, but we do.
  43. Hey Harper! I know you count on the support of many dozing sheep to win, but we’ll wake up the wolf in them, too.
  44. Hey Harper! It’s ironic you need mindless people around you to feel good about yourself…I need intelligent ones.
  45. Hey Harper! Bet you never heard of the Hundredth Monkey Effect! I’ve been keeping count: 95…96…97…98…
  46. Hey Harper! Remember the old saying, Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil? Look up EVIL in the dictionary.
  47. Hey Harper! You know the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Get ready to be shat on!
  48. Hey Harper! I met someone else like you: someone who would destroy BC for a buck. I can’t stand to be around him!
  49. Hey Harper! I know what you know: BC would suffer all the risk with zero benefit from Alberta’s pipeline scam.
  50. Hey Harper! When you sold your soul to the devil, he thought it might be worth something. You even tricked him, eh!
  51. Hey Harper! My great fundraising idea: Selling nails for people to hammer into your coffin. I’m making millions.
  52. Hey Harper! Some Quietly Suffer their Deep Concerns about you, whereas I Noisily Grieve my Profound Distress.
  53. Hey Harper! I know there is no pleading with you to do the right thing and reject the pipeline, but I’m not pleading: NO!
  54. Hey Harper! It’s a sick system when you can’t fire a corrupt repugnant politician. Oh! You thought I meant Rob Ford!
  55. Hey Harper! Get your face off my TV. If I want to watch a monster spewing toxic venom, I’ll watch horror on Netflix.
  56. Hey Harper! There is a game we play amongst ourselves called Who Hates Harper More? It’s quite the spectator sport.
  57. Hey Harper! Hell needs more oil to keep the fires hot enough for when you get there. The door is at the tar sands.
  58. Hey Harper! Did Enbridge advertise for an arrogant disloyal prime minister or did you seek out a dying oil industry?
  59. Hey Harper! You and those oil types even sound like you’re sucking bitumen through an old vacuum when you talk.
  60. Hey Harper! Get an eye exam! When you look at BC you see only a pipeline. What’s here is a land and its people.
  61. Hey Harper! About those sickly pale bloated old farts that represent the oil companies: you’re with them right?
  62. Hey Harper! You may sprout many evil heads, but our blades are katanas that cauterize so they can’t grow back.
  63. Hey Harper! A terrorist will take away everything and give back crumbs to appear good. You use that same strategy!
  64. Hey Harper! You represent oil corporations when your duty is to represent Canadians citizens. Treason comes to mind.
  65. Hey Harper! You easily abused democratic and human rights laws, but you can’t treat karma so lightly. Just watch!
  66. Hey Harper! What will the oil companies do when they go bankrupt over these pipelines? Wait…you’ll be gone, too!
  67. Hey Harper! We need to teach kids how to deal with bullies in school, so we can deal with your kind as grownups.
  68. Hey Harper! You’re blinder than we thought. You will sign Enbridge’s death warrant when you approve the pipeline.
  69. Hey Harper! After watching Joe Clark call you to task on CBC, now I know why you want to shut them down.
  70. Hey Harper! You may feel lucky Ms Clark doesn’t have a mind of her own, but the rest of us compensate for the lack.
  71. Hey Harper! Come here! I want to share this feeling of how sick you make me 100 times over.
  72. Hey Harper! Therapy business is booming with so many dysfunctional people. Some are even ruining countries!
  73. Hey Harper! Maybe the Warrior Bunkhouse will be a town one day. We can call it Noenbridge…it has a nice ring.
  74. Hey Harper! Did Kinder Morgan choose their name because it sounds harmless? Like chocolate with a toy!
  75. Hey Harper! It’s disgraceful Rob Ford airs his filth in his high profile job…what’s worse is you hide yours there.
  76. Hey Harper! Maybe we can be the fly on your wall after all. I’m investing in BC’s real future: nanotechnology.
  77. Hey Harper! The only oil allowed in BC’s waters is suntan oil, which we wouldn’t need at all after a spill.
  78. Hey Harper! In our age of enlightenment, how is it you are still living in the dark ages? Get a guru would you!!!
  79. Hey Harper! You’re going to learn soon enough that this pipeline decision is NOT up to you – and never was.
  80. Hey Harper! I dare you for 5 minutes to sit where I sit, see what I see and still say you’d let oil tankers here.
  81. Hey Harper! A pipeline referendum is a great idea! We’ll get to see just how vile you and Enbridge really are.
  82. Hey Harper! Oil spills are good for the economy the same as wars are good for the economy. Do we want war?
  83. Hey Harper! When I roll up my sleeves I’m set to work hard whereas you are looking for new ways to trick us.
  84. Hey Harper! Knowing you, the supertankers Enbridge wants to buy are from a decommissioned Exxon Valdez fleet.
  85. Hey Harper! I bet Enbridge doesn’t even have a contingency plan for pirates and terrorists. They love tankers too you know.
  86. Hey Harper! I know how Enbridge ‘responsibly’ handles important issues in their proposals – they reword it.
  87. Hey Harper! If pirates hijack your tankers are us taxpayers supposed to pay the ransom? Hypothetically of course!
  88. Hey Harper! Get this straight! The Canadian government didn’t approve the pipeline, it was the Harper government.
  89. Hey Harper! As if we really needed another reason to hate you!
  90. Hey Harper! You’re quite the enigma: at the same time you’re arrogant you’re full of cowardice…a true bully.
  91. Hey Harper! Your pipeline project is bringing citizens together better than anything else before. Backfired, eh?
  92. Hey Harper! You’re stupid to say our only choice for prosperity is selling filthy crude to heavily-polluted China.
  93. Hey Harper! The Harper Diet: Your photo on the fridge and we’re so fed up we can’t stomach anything more.
  94. Hey Harper! Clark may be hiding behind First Nations people to oppose you, but I’m not – this my fight, too.
  95. Hey Harper! Somewhere over the Rockies the land is green and the water is blue…but, you wouldn’t know that.
  96. Hey Harper! You can’t distance yourself from something you conspired on from the very beginning: You and Enbridge.
  97. Hey Harper! You hide behind Enbridge and Clark behind First Nations and her ex. You do know we can still see you?
  98. Hey Harper! I see BC is suing you for divorce on the grounds of adultery, desertion, and irreconcilable differences.
  99. Hey Harper! People want iron-on signs for a protest. I suggested your photo on the backside of their underwear.
  100. Hey Harper! I doubt you’ll be missed in New York this fall when world leaders gather to confront climate change.

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